Not what you think you should want. Not what others expect. Your genuine desires matter.
By Joleen C, Women's Reclamation Facilitator
Many of us struggle to even know what we truly want, because we're so accustomed to chasing the things we think we "should" want. These prompts encourage you to focus on what you genuinely desire, not what your friends, family, or society say you ought to do, but what would truly bring you joy. Give yourself permission to be honest; there are no "wrong" answers, and you don't need to justify your desires. Just explore them:
Start by identifying something in your life that you're pursuing or maintaining mostly because you feel you should, maybe it's a career path, a college major, a relationship, or even a hobby you're "supposed" to enjoy. Briefly describe this obligation or expectation you've been following. If you set aside the "should" for a moment, what do you actually want in this area of your life? For example, if you weren't worried about pleasing anyone else or meeting a certain standard, would you choose a different path, pace, or outcome? Explore how your true desire compares to the "should" you've been obeying.
Think of a recent situation where you said yes (or no) to something primarily because you felt you should, not because you truly wanted to. Describe what the situation was and why you felt obliged to go along. What did you really want to do in that situation, and what stopped you from doing it? Journal about how it felt to go against your own desire, did you feel resentful, relieved, guilty? And what you might do differently if a similar situation happens again.
Imagine that all external expectations and judgments vanish for a day. No one will criticize or applaud your choices, and you have total freedom to live as you please. What is one significant change you would make in your life right now if you truly didn't fear others' opinions? It could be changing your living situation, pursuing a different line of work, ending or starting a relationship, wearing what you want, creating something, anything at all. Describe this change in detail and how it makes you feel when you imagine doing it freely. This can reveal a desire that's been hiding behind fear of judgment.
Take a moment to dream: What does your perfect day look like, from morning to night, if you could design it to genuinely please yourself? Write about where you'd be, what you'd do, who (if anyone) you'd spend time with, and how you'd feel. Don't limit yourself to what seems realistic, the goal is to see what elements truly excite or fulfill you. When you read back what you wrote, notice which parts of your ideal day are missing from your current life. Are there small ways to incorporate a bit more of that ideal into your routine now?
What's something you have secretly wanted to do or have, but never openly pursued? It might be a creative talent you set aside, an unconventional career, moving to a new place, or an experience like traveling for a month or learning a new skill, anything that regularly whispers in your heart, "I wish I could…". Write about this secret desire in detail. Why does it appeal to you, and what excites you about it? Now gently examine: what has kept you from pursuing it so far? List any fears, practical obstacles, or "shouldn'ts" (e.g., "I shouldn't want this because it's not stable/it's selfish/etc."). For each, consider if it's truly insurmountable or if it might be an assumption you could challenge.
Think back to when you were a child or teenager: What did you love to do or dream about before the world told you what you should want? Maybe you spent hours drawing, or you fantasized about exploring the world, or you loved taking care of animals. Choose one early interest or dream that still sparks a little excitement in you now. Describe what about it lit you up. How does it make you feel to remember it? Then, consider ways you could reconnect with that passion now, even in a small way. What might following this youthful desire bring into your life today?
On a fresh page, quickly jot down every "I should…" thought that comes to mind regarding your life right now. Don't overthink it, just list them (for example, "I should work more hours," "I should settle down by 30," "I should always put others first," etc.). Once you have a list (whether it's five items or fifteen), look it over. Pick one "should" that feels heavy or restrictive, and explore it further: Where did this "should" come from, is it something your family, culture, or peers instilled in you? What would happen if you didn't follow this rule, would it actually harm anything, or just maybe disappoint some expectations? Finally, ask yourself: Do I want what this "should" is telling me to do? Why or why not? Write freely, and see if you can rephrase that "should" into a choice that you control (e.g., instead of "I should X," say "I choose to X because…" or "I don't actually want X, I want Y.").
Think about an area in your life where you feel pressure to meet a certain benchmark or definition of "success" (perhaps in your career, education, or personal life milestones). What is your personal definition of success in that area, if you ignore what you've been told it should be? For instance, maybe society says success in a career means a high salary, but to you it might mean creative freedom or a balanced lifestyle. Write down what truly matters to you for success or happiness in that area of life. How does this differ from the standard you've been taught? Reminding yourself of your own metrics can clarify what you actually desire versus what you've been told to want.
Make two quick lists side by side. In one, list activities, people, or commitments in your life that genuinely bring you joy or fulfillment. In the other, list those that you do mainly out of obligation or because you think you should (even if they don't make you happy). Now pick one item from each list and compare: For example, maybe taking long nature walks (joy) versus working late every night (obligation). What feelings arise when you think about the joyful thing compared to the obligatory thing? Journal about how you might rebalance your time or energy to allow more of the joyful and possibly lessen the hold of the obligatory (if possible). This exercise can highlight where you can reclaim space for your true wants.
Write about a time in your life when you did follow your genuine desire or intuition instead of doing the "reasonable" or expected thing. What was the decision or action, and what motivated you to go against the grain? How did it turn out, and more importantly, how did it feel to honor your own want? If it felt freeing or satisfying, let that memory remind you that pursuing what you truly want is possible. If it had challenges or didn't turn out perfectly, what did you learn, and do you still value that you tried?
Imagine yourself many years in the future, at age 90, looking back on your life with the wisdom of hindsight. This elder-you has seen the outcomes of all your choices. What might you regret not doing or exploring because you were too focused on what you "should" do? Write as if your 90-year-old self is speaking to you now. What do they say you truly wanted but perhaps neglected? What encouragement might they give you to pursue those desires while you still can? Sometimes viewing life from a long-term perspective can clarify what we value most.
For this prompt, pretend that the part of you that knows what you really want could speak out loud. If your authentic desire or "inner voice" could send you a message, what would it say? You might write this as a short monologue or letter from your inner self. Let it tell you about what it longs for, without any censorship. (For example: "I'm your inner voice, and I wish you would pay attention to me. What I truly want is… I get sad when you ignore me and do what you think you should. I wish you knew that you deserve…" and so on.) It may feel a bit strange, but let the words flow. When you're done, read what that voice has said. What one step could you take to honor even a small piece of what it asks for? Remember, acknowledging and respecting your own desires is a practice, and you're allowed to start very small.